To Be a Deathlord
by Inexorable
Summary: Join Kumo's crazy misadventures as he tries to do everything to avoid his new duties. [Semisequel to Bad Habits]


AN: Welcome, my dear friends, to the semi-sequel of _Bad Habits._ I hope you find this one as enjoyable as the last )  
Disclaimer: Let's just get this over with, yeah? I no own!

* * *

**To Be A Deathlord  
**

* * *

_Of destroying worlds and tropical paradises_

"I want you to destroy a world for me." The Count had announced one day out of the blue.

"Why?" Kumo had asked, more interested in blowing spitballs at Pist's mouth than destroying a world.

"Because I said so!" The Count bawled. And he threw a temper tantrum like the little brat he is.

Narrowly dodging a fork that came close to impaling his neck, Kumo thought it wise to listen to what the brat had to say and bid a hasty retreat.

* * *

_Two weeks later…_

Kumo sat lounging on a beach chair on some tropical island, sipping an island drink with copious amounts of alcohol mixed in, appreciating the sun's rays.

"Sir?"

Kumo opened his eyes to see a waiter that had appeared at his side.

"What is it?" Kumo asked irritably, wanting nothing more than to fall back asleep, dreaming of a Count-free land.

"Well…there seems to be an odd entourage of people wanting to see you." The waiter replied slowly. "One looks like a flower, another like the tin man, one like a fish, another like a clown, and one like a…child."

Kumo groaned, inwardly cursing. He sat up, and began pulling his discarded shirt back on (noo, leave it off!).

"Is something wrong, sir?" The waiter asked, watching Kumo stick his head under the beach chair with a perplexed look on his face.

"I don't particularly want to see them." Kumo replied as he looked for his shoes. "So…this is what we're going to do." Kumo instructed. _Where did he put those stupid things? _ "You're going to go to them and tell them that I'm locked in an epic battle with a giant squid."

"A giant squid, sir?" The waiter asked dubiously.

"No, even better, tell them I'm locked in a battle with a man-eating tiger." Kumo amended.

"A man-eating tiger." The waiter repeated flatly, looking at Kumo and wondering who would be stupid enough to believe him. "Tigers don't live on tropical islands, sir."

"It'll be a tropical man-eating tiger." Kumo answered.

The waiter blinked and looked at Kumo strangely. Who honestly in their right mind would believe that? But the waiter thought it best if he would just agree and go with the flow.

"Okay…what are you going to do, sir?" The waiter asked.

"I'm going to get some tomatoes." Kumo replied, pulling on his shoes. "And I'm going to drench myself in tomato sauce."

The waiter gaped at him. "Wouldn't that look obvious, sir?" The waiter asked hesitantly.

"Nah, these guys are too slow to realize a trick like this." Kumo answered. "You won't have to deal with them long, I should be back soon."

As Kumo scurried away, half-muttering to himself, the waiter wondered if it was too late to quit his job.

* * *

"An epic battle with a man-eating tiger." Pist repeated skeptically.

"Yes, sir." The waiter replied.

"I wasn't aware tigers live in tropical paradises." Pist continued, regarding the waiter suspiciously.

"Well…it's a tropical man-eating tiger." The waiter said, sweating slightly at Pist's steady gaze.

The waiter was then (thankfully) saved from any other questions by an overwhelming stench of tomatoes. Oh, and Kumo, of course.

"Good Chaos!" The Count shouted upon seeing his new recruit as Kumo ambled towards the small group. "Is that YOUR blood?" he asked, referring to the tomato sauce Kumo was now covered head to toe in.

The waiter stared. Couldn't the fool see that it was OBVIOUSLY tomato sauce?

"Thankfully, no, sir." Kumo responded solemnly. "It's all that vile tropical man-eating tiger's."

"And why would you feel the need to destroy a tropical man-eating tiger in a world you were SUPPOSED to have destroyed?" Pist asked suspiciously.

"It was bad-mouthing the Count." Kumo replied simply.

The Count, Oscar, Helba, and Fungus were all nodding appreciatively.

"Brave of him." Fungus said gruffly.

"Manly of him!" Helba squealed.

"Wise of him." Oscar added.

"Good work, Kumo. You're as good as I thought you were." The Count complimented.

"Am I the only one who thinks that there's something seriously wrong with you people?" Pist muttered under his breath.

The waiter contemplated drinking to get rid of this idiocy from his mind permanently.

Kumo contemplated doing this more often.

And Fabula watched in her little clam, thinking of how fun this was going to be.

* * *

AN: I like the acronym of this little fic. And...no, I really don't have anything worthwhile to say here. 


End file.
